You hadn’t even thought about writing fiction until October 30.
You finish each writing session by typing "I’m going to bed now, see you later."
You read over yesterday’s output and discover you’ve typed, verbatim, an argument with your spouse about how the time spent writing is impacting your personal hygiene.
You left the datestamps in when you cut and pasted all your blog entries.
You left the datestamps in when you cut and pasted the entire NaNo forum thread about padding.
It’s a powerful, moving story exploring the inner turmoil of a copyrighted character.
It’s a powerful, moving story exploring the inner turmoil of two or more copyrighted characters who secretly love each other very much, and often.
You’ve only managed an average of 500 words per day so far, and 100 of them are about how hard it is to write 1,667 words a day.
Every 1,667th word is "CHAPTER".
The 49,999th and 50,000th words are "THE END", even though the 49,998th word is "and".
11. You read over yesterday’s output and discover you’ve typed: toilet paper, bread, milk, and cheese — and realize that, other than toilet paper, these items have little to do with your novel.
12. You begin Chapter One with: “Knock, knock…” and end it with: “Orange you glad I didn’t say banana?”
13. You begin Chapter Two with: “A priest, a rabbi, and a cleric run out of gas by a farmhouse…” and end it with: “Orange you glad I didn’t say banana?”
14. That 30 days felt more like 30 minutes…underwater.
15. Your KidLit novel describes Jim Beam as “that smell on Grandfather’s breath when he sneaks in to Billy’s room at night.”
The Top Ten Reasons Your NaNo Novel Sucks. People are adding reasons as did I, since those of us actually writing NaNo are far more expert on suckiness than Mr. L., no offense. Show him our stuff NaNo’s!http://101reasonstostopwriting.com/2007/11/17/top-ten-reasons-your-nanowrimo-novel-sucks/
16. You actually bother cheating to reach 50k when no one cares, and it’s not supposed to be about quality ANYWAY.
17. You have to ask if your “novel” is following the rules.
18. It’s not a novel at all, but you claim it is anyway.
19. The only response anyone will give you upon reading your excerpt is “Hmm.”
20. You’ve included so many “dares” in your novel that you can’t actually see anything resembling a plot, much less anything that could be called a novel.
21. Even other NaNoWriMo participants think it sucks.
23. You think that the 50,000 unedited words you’ve managed to write at the end of month is a novel, and that you’re a novel writer
24. You accuse people who have already reached 50,000 words of cheating. You begin to stalk people who are now past 200,000.
25. You cheat.
26. You post stuff like, “lol, OMG, I have 200 hundred words, and I’ve already used up, like, my ideas. Can urz plez sned good thoughts my way, ha ha?”
27. You bring your NaNoWriMo certificate to your writer’s group, and forget to bring your ‘novel’ with you. In fact, you can’t even remember what your novel is about, because after the 30th random zombie-ninja attack you wrote because you were out of ideas, your brain pretty much melted out your ear.
One of my favorite posts, Sean, and I think Heather nailed it with #21!
(More) Reasons That Didn’t Make the Cut
30. The standard response given after reading your novel is: “What exactly were you trying to do here on page — oh…I think I just threw up a little bit in my mouth.”
31. Your novel includes a page of “Acknowledgements.” (Including the name “Oprah” here might be a bit much, eh?)
32. You dedicate your novel to your two sources of inspiration: hookers and chocolate, followed by the apology: “I’m just kidding. I don’t like chocolate.”
33. Following every major conflict, one of seven main characters states: “Well…you’ve done it again, Gilligan.”
34. You actually took time off work so you’d be able to focus on 1,667 word a day, only to realize your best material usually goes into your TPS reports.
35. You have no idea what is meant by the term, “story arc.”
36. You still can’t accept that Dumbledore is gay, let alone a fictional character.
37. You can’t find your dictionary, thesaurus, or style guide, but your copy of Dan Brown’s Da Vinci Code seems to be getting the job done.
While I am in no way critical of the additional entries, after Sean’s Top Ten, I still think Heather’s #21 (Even other NaNoWriMo participants think it sucks) is the most relevant. I mean, can you imagine that conversation?
NaNoWriter 1: Well, I finished reading your NaNovel….
NaNoWriter 2: You read all of it? Great! That was fast.
NaNoWriter 1: I didn’t say I read ALL of it. I’m just finished reading it. I can’t really read any more.
NaNoWriter 2: Well, what do you think? You know, they say quality doesn’t really matter.
NaNoWriter 1: Yeah…about that….
NaNoWriter 2: Did you like the way I portrayed the Dumbledore character —— is he gay or is he straight, ha, will he get his TPS reports in on time —— and the way I mixed in dialogue from old Seinfeld reruns? I was watching the “puffy shirt” episode at the time, and——
NaNoWriter 1: Yeah, no…I didn’t get that far. Um, what exactly were you trying to do here on page —— oh…I think I just threw up a little bit in my mouth.
NaNoWriter 3: Hey, what is that horrible smell?
(NaNoWriter 1 holds up NaNoWriter 2’s NaNovel)
NaNoWriter 3: Oh good. That’s a relief. When I walked in, I asked myself, “What is that awful smell?” I had to check the bottom of my shoes….
38. You show it to your mom so she can give you the validation you desperately need, and she screams about how she should have taken the money she lent you for your English degree and run it through a tree mulcher.
39. Yes, your friends “cried” when they read it. So will every agent and editor faced with it in the future.
(Heather, I made a small correction to your link, to point directly to the comment in question rather than the entire thread.)
While I think that anyone writing 5,000+ words a day is just disgorging filth onto their keyboard that will have to be deloused, disinfected, decanted and possibly defenestrated before it could be read by another human, to argue that it’s not possible is just silly. Hundreds of perfectly mediocre professional writers, and some tolerable ones, are able to routinely dash off 5k+ — most of which is even readable, by the low standards they and their editors expect.
what this world needs – some more sci-fi and nonsense. I’m glad I’m not the poor editor that’s going to end up with a slew of ridiculous queries in the coming months. For more I-hate-Nanowrimo fun, check out 101 Reasons to Stop Writing’s “Top Ten Reasons Your NaNoWriMo Novel Sucks.”
45. You haven’t learned about writing what a fictional computer in a shitty Matthew Broderick/Ally Sheedy film from a quarter-century ago learned about thermonuclear war: the only way to win is not to play.
46. Your efforts aren’t feeding the right people. Instead of changing the universe, you’re simply keeping innumerable English professors off the front counter at Borders, diverting innumerable vanity presses and editing service scampigs from a much more lucrative and less karma-destroying career in child pornography, and encouraging your fellow Cat Piss Men into believing that the world really needs Absolutely Fabulous/Farscape slashfic played straight. In any venue other than NaNoWriMo, your shit would at least be feeding dung beetles, not silverfish.
[...] Bonfire Day T-shirts for next year’s WorldCon, because nothing says “love of literature” like a NaNoWriMo wannabe bawling like a little girl with a skinned knee.Link Leave a commentTue, Nov. 20th, 2007 04:31 [...]
I know several people who did and have at least been mildly successful. As this month enters its final week, here’s a chance to take a step back and see your developing WriMo novel in a fresh perspective. 101 Reasons to Stop Writing presents a list ofTop Ten Reasons Your NaNoWriMo Novel Sucks. You hadn’t even thought about writing fiction until October 30. You finish each writing session by typing “I’m going to bed now, see you later.” You read over yesterday’s output and discover you’ve typed, verbatim, an argument with your
[...] Wonderful! We never needed more reasons to hate them, but that really helps.Did you see this one?http://101reasonstostopwriting.com/2007/11/17/top-ten-reasons-your-nanowrimo-novel-sucks/(Reply to [...]
52. You strung together 50,000 words of cliches, raunchy sex scenes, and so many fucking metaphors that it makes Miss Snark’s head explode when you submit it to her in December.
55. Michael Bay decides to make a movie out of it. Which would be great news for any aspiring novelist, except for the presence of Michael Bay coming within a mile of the printed word.
56. Word count = intelligence. All the best novels had unnecessary padding.
57. It’s about Man’s struggle for freedom and identity in the early 20th century. Also it involves a lot of shoe-sex and bad puns.
58. You wrote “All work and no play make Jack a dull boy.” a bunch of times when you stayed at the Overlook Hotel.
59. It’s a novelization of “Bad Boys 2″ written with 16th century orthography.
60. It’s a whole lot of commas and periods.
61. It’s “the” used 50,000 times. Like avant-garde and shit.
![[Logo]](/images/101ReasonsLogo.png "101 Reasons to Stop Writing")
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[...] And finally, just to show I still have a sense of humour about writing, Top Ten Reasons Your NaNoWriMo Novel Sucks. [...]
Reasons That Didn’t Make the Cut
11. You read over yesterday’s output and discover you’ve typed: toilet paper, bread, milk, and cheese — and realize that, other than toilet paper, these items have little to do with your novel.
12. You begin Chapter One with: “Knock, knock…” and end it with: “Orange you glad I didn’t say banana?”
13. You begin Chapter Two with: “A priest, a rabbi, and a cleric run out of gas by a farmhouse…” and end it with: “Orange you glad I didn’t say banana?”
14. That 30 days felt more like 30 minutes…underwater.
15. Your KidLit novel describes Jim Beam as “that smell on Grandfather’s breath when he sneaks in to Billy’s room at night.”
Nice one, Dennis! Anyone else want to contribute?
16. You actually bother cheating to reach 50k when no one cares, and it’s not supposed to be about quality ANYWAY.
17. You have to ask if your “novel” is following the rules.
18. It’s not a novel at all, but you claim it is anyway.
19. The only response anyone will give you upon reading your excerpt is “Hmm.”
20. You’ve included so many “dares” in your novel that you can’t actually see anything resembling a plot, much less anything that could be called a novel.
21. Even other NaNoWriMo participants think it sucks.
22. You type in front of the TV and insert actual dialogue from old Seinfeld reruns into the background of a scene as filler. I actually did it!
23. You think that the 50,000 unedited words you’ve managed to write at the end of month is a novel, and that you’re a novel writer
24. You accuse people who have already reached 50,000 words of cheating. You begin to stalk people who are now past 200,000.
25. You cheat.
26. You post stuff like, “lol, OMG, I have 200 hundred words, and I’ve already used up, like, my ideas. Can urz plez sned good thoughts my way, ha ha?”
27. You bring your NaNoWriMo certificate to your writer’s group, and forget to bring your ‘novel’ with you. In fact, you can’t even remember what your novel is about, because after the 30th random zombie-ninja attack you wrote because you were out of ideas, your brain pretty much melted out your ear.
Disclaimer: I am doing NaNoWriMo, and still can’t understand some of the craziness that goes on.
28. You plot changes so much that the hero is a villan by the end.
29. You brag about how behind you are. (But I’m gonna catch up!)
One of my favorite posts, Sean, and I think Heather nailed it with #21!
(More) Reasons That Didn’t Make the Cut
30. The standard response given after reading your novel is: “What exactly were you trying to do here on page — oh…I think I just threw up a little bit in my mouth.”
31. Your novel includes a page of “Acknowledgements.” (Including the name “Oprah” here might be a bit much, eh?)
32. You dedicate your novel to your two sources of inspiration: hookers and chocolate, followed by the apology: “I’m just kidding. I don’t like chocolate.”
33. Following every major conflict, one of seven main characters states: “Well…you’ve done it again, Gilligan.”
Again, great post, Sean.
Peace,
- Dennis
http://www.donttipthewaiter.blogspot.com
I’m laughing even though I still am hoping it doesn’t suck.
34. You actually took time off work so you’d be able to focus on 1,667 word a day, only to realize your best material usually goes into your TPS reports.
35. You have no idea what is meant by the term, “story arc.”
36. You still can’t accept that Dumbledore is gay, let alone a fictional character.
37. You can’t find your dictionary, thesaurus, or style guide, but your copy of Dan Brown’s Da Vinci Code seems to be getting the job done.
… What the heck does #36 have to do with writing a novel?
Nothing. Harry Potter is a memoir.
Sarcasm, Sean? That’s unusual for you.
While I am in no way critical of the additional entries, after Sean’s Top Ten, I still think Heather’s #21 (Even other NaNoWriMo participants think it sucks) is the most relevant. I mean, can you imagine that conversation?
NaNoWriter 1: Well, I finished reading your NaNovel….
NaNoWriter 2: You read all of it? Great! That was fast.
NaNoWriter 1: I didn’t say I read ALL of it. I’m just finished reading it. I can’t really read any more.
NaNoWriter 2: Well, what do you think? You know, they say quality doesn’t really matter.
NaNoWriter 1: Yeah…about that….
NaNoWriter 2: Did you like the way I portrayed the Dumbledore character —— is he gay or is he straight, ha, will he get his TPS reports in on time —— and the way I mixed in dialogue from old Seinfeld reruns? I was watching the “puffy shirt” episode at the time, and——
NaNoWriter 1: Yeah, no…I didn’t get that far. Um, what exactly were you trying to do here on page —— oh…I think I just threw up a little bit in my mouth.
NaNoWriter 3: Hey, what is that horrible smell?
(NaNoWriter 1 holds up NaNoWriter 2’s NaNovel)
NaNoWriter 3: Oh good. That’s a relief. When I walked in, I asked myself, “What is that awful smell?” I had to check the bottom of my shoes….
Peace,
- Dennis
http://www.donttipthewaiter.blogspot.com
38. You show it to your mom so she can give you the validation you desperately need, and she screams about how she should have taken the money she lent you for your English degree and run it through a tree mulcher.
39. Yes, your friends “cried” when they read it. So will every agent and editor faced with it in the future.
40, and the only one you need: you did NaNoWriMo
LMFAO @ Lee!
41) You argue that people couldn’t possibly write 5k in one day, and say that people who say they can are cheating.
And yes, I mean 5k… it is not a typo. And yes, someone DID say this.
(Heather, I made a small correction to your link, to point directly to the comment in question rather than the entire thread.)
While I think that anyone writing 5,000+ words a day is just disgorging filth onto their keyboard that will have to be deloused, disinfected, decanted and possibly defenestrated before it could be read by another human, to argue that it’s not possible is just silly. Hundreds of perfectly mediocre professional writers, and some tolerable ones, are able to routinely dash off 5k+ — most of which is even readable, by the low standards they and their editors expect.
42) Your teacher asks you, “Is this exactly a good example of what you’ve been learning in English class It’s for a grade you know.”
I’m doing NaNoWriMo for a grade as my November Personal Novel and my teacher actually said that.
43. You begin each chapter with a quote that only you think is profound. (e.g. “To Love is to have your heart broken”, etc.)
44. You’ve used the phrase “oh so ______” at least somewhere in your novel. (e.g. “She’s oh so beautiful.”)
45. You haven’t learned about writing what a fictional computer in a shitty Matthew Broderick/Ally Sheedy film from a quarter-century ago learned about thermonuclear war: the only way to win is not to play.
46. Your efforts aren’t feeding the right people. Instead of changing the universe, you’re simply keeping innumerable English professors off the front counter at Borders, diverting innumerable vanity presses and editing service scampigs from a much more lucrative and less karma-destroying career in child pornography, and encouraging your fellow Cat Piss Men into believing that the world really needs Absolutely Fabulous/Farscape slashfic played straight. In any venue other than NaNoWriMo, your shit would at least be feeding dung beetles, not silverfish.
47. Because denial is a universal constant, and it’s either this or opening an independent bookstore if you really want to die alone and forgotten.
Oh, you know, I misread the title of the post: Why your NaNoWriMo novel sucks!
The answer to that is obvious:
You wrote it.
“You wrote it.”
That would be #48, then, though it could move to #1 on next week’s chart.
49. You haven’t actually read any fiction since high school and even then it was the Coles Notes version.
Thanks for the great laugh, everyone! Keep those reasons coming!
Excellent, I can now cut and paste this into my form rejection letters for next December.
Many thanks!
50. You visit 101reasonstostopwriting.com everyday, yet you still ignore Sean’s message and participate in NaNoWriMo.
Reason 51. If it wasn’t for NaNoWriMo you never would have given novel writing a second thought.
52. You strung together 50,000 words of cliches, raunchy sex scenes, and so many fucking metaphors that it makes Miss Snark’s head explode when you submit it to her in December.
53. You think that your ability to type what you call sentences makes you a writer.
54. The voices inside your head told you to do it.
55. Michael Bay decides to make a movie out of it. Which would be great news for any aspiring novelist, except for the presence of Michael Bay coming within a mile of the printed word.
56. Word count = intelligence. All the best novels had unnecessary padding.
57. It’s about Man’s struggle for freedom and identity in the early 20th century. Also it involves a lot of shoe-sex and bad puns.
58. You wrote “All work and no play make Jack a dull boy.” a bunch of times when you stayed at the Overlook Hotel.
59. It’s a novelization of “Bad Boys 2″ written with 16th century orthography.
60. It’s a whole lot of commas and periods.
61. It’s “the” used 50,000 times. Like avant-garde and shit.