101 Reasons to Stop Writing

Archive for August 28th, 2007

2007 Aug 28

By Sean Lindsay

1749 — German poet, scientist, Renaissance Man and author of the best version of one of the most ripped-off stories of all time, Johann Wolfgang von Goethe was born. His scientific and philosophic writings had a profound effect on 19th Century thought. You will never be this good.
1814 — Gothic writer Joseph Sheridan Le Fanu was born. His short story “Carmilla” established what would become the cliché of the lesbian vampire, providing the excuse for most of the frontal nudity in horror movies. All the best vampire writers are 19th Century Irishmen. You can stop writing lesbian vampire stories now.
1828 — Russian author, literary and literal giant Leo Tolstoy was born, and promptly started work on the first draft of War and Peace. What’s Russian for “You will never be this good” ?
1961 — The Marvellettes hit #1 on the Billboard charts with their upbeat tune about waiting patiently for a publisher’s acceptance letter, “Please Mr. Postman“.
1963 — Martin Luther King, Jr. delivered his “I Have a Dream” speech at a civil rights rally in Washington DC. There was a three month window of optimism for social change before JFK got shot. You will never be this good, which is why you should stop writing and do something meaningful with your life.
1995 — German author Michael Ende discovered that the clever title for his most famous work, The Neverending Story, would not magically prevent him from stopping writing, the hard way.

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