101 Reasons to Stop Writing

A little note to the wannabes who so desperately want to get published so they can look upon their adoring audience at book signings and readings: a little piece from Phil Stanford of the Portland Tribune (Oregon) on a book reading last year might be instrumental:

Author Bob Dietsche reports that sales of his new book Jumptown, about Portland’s history as a jazz hot spot, have been going quite well, thank you. Although there was that reading last month at St. Johns Booksellers out on Lombard, where a guy in the front row fell asleep and snored so loudly Dietsche could barely hear himself talk. With about five minutes to go, the guy woke up with a start and announced, “Hey, I gotta go now.” Well, you’re bound to lose a few of ‘em.

Talk to any number of writers who’ve made the mistake of public readings and signings, and they’ll give you similar stories. Considering that your intended audience consists almost solely of fellow frustrated wannabes who attend the reading to:

1. pick up any of the frumpy fiftysomethings sans date who really don’t want to go home alone to a dark efficiency apartment and fifteen cats,
2. snag the free coffee and snacks in lieu of actually paying for groceries, and
3. look for any hint that the proprietor of the bookstore hosting the event might be willing to let you read from your World of Warcraft chronicles,

– you might want to consider how you’d react when your audience starts snoring like this. Better yet, you can bypass the shame of asking the person next to the snorer to “please wake up Mom and take her home” and stop writing.

Contrary to popular opinion, Paul Riddell isn’t the mastermind of this blog, but he’s perfectly happy being the perfect evil assistant, as demonstrated at the Esoteric Science Resource Center.