We’re such hypocrites up here. And I love that aboot us, I really do.

“Grunt! Grunt!”

“How many times do I have to tell you that we speak English on this expedition, not American?

(Although I’m known to mangle my native tongue from time to time, I honestly try to do so deliberately for comic effect. However, I spent three years working for a call center here in the US, and discovering that (a) the word “tooken” is an actual word according to most of my countrymen and (b) “tooken is apparently a verb, as in “Yew done tooken money out mah account”. Three years of that job, and it takes every last bit of control I have when subjected to some plecostomus that stands upright and uses credit cards NOT to suggest “Have you considered taking your grandson’s penis out of your mouth until after you finish bitching out the friendly sales clerk trying to ring you up? I promise it’ll be there after you’re done.”

Since you use the Internet, you’ve no doubt encountered the drooling bastard stepchild of the Queen’s English that software programs quantly call ‘U.S. English’. You might have noticed that there is (still) quite a bit of overlap.

Strunk & White may not be the best writing guide ever produced, but it’s certainly the most easily stolen.

“In 1960, Harper Lee’s To Kill a Mockingbird was published. You will never be this good (and even Harper Lee knew it).”

My favorites. I may embroider them on a cross-stitch sampler and hang them on the wall. They should not make me feel good, but they crack me up, as do you.

So there, ya wanker.