![[Logo]](/images/101ReasonsLogo.png "101 Reasons to Stop Writing")
[Updated, now with logo!]
There’s been some discussion recently of defining a Blogger Code of Conduct, as a sort of finger-in-the-dyke response to the perennial threat of any useful Internet discussion being ruined by the vocalisings of assholes. Many, many bloggers have expressed, let’s call them reservations about this, ranging from negative projections as to the efficacy of such a code, to the kind of reactions the code was designed to restrict. (A selective sample of such reservations.)
Here at 101 Reasons to Stop Writing, which is founded (and predicated) in part on the freedom to assholise, a Code which seeks to put a cork in every Internet asshole would run counter to the mission of trying to put a cork in every writer asshole. (It’s debatable which set of assholes is the more populous, and the extent of the overlap.) Clearly, a different standard is needed, one that allows me to be as much of an asshole as I am inclined to be, while still limiting the capacity of other assholes to assholate on this blog.
Thus I propose a new code of conduct, as an attempt to describe and codify the unwritten conduct policies already in effect here and in much of the blogosphere.
The Bigger Asshole Code of Conduct:
I get to be the bigger asshole on my blog.
I will define the terms “asshole” and “bigger” at my sole discretion.
It’s a simple code, and the implications should be obvious. But for the assholes who want to belabour the point:
It should be noted that this Code operates in conjunction with the previously posted policy On Anonymous Comments.
Other bloggers are welcome to use the Bigger Asshole Code of Conduct on their site. For bloggers who are not comfortable with publicly asserting their right to be the bigger asshole, I suggest the use of two simpler codes of conduct:
and
Update: The Bigger Asshole Code of Conduct now has a logo, thanks to the clever people at Says-It.com, currently available in three sizes (105, 120, 100 pixels):
You’re welcome to use these images on your blog. If you do, please copy the images to your own server, and provide a link back to this post (either from the image or from your blog, somewhere).
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If we’re going to censor speech, it should be the speech of those easily offended by squiggly lines on a computer screen who attempt to silence others. Myself and others who agree with me exempted, of course.
Also, given the tendency of bloggers and posters to possess significant units of ass (X), your equation could result in negative assholarity. Thought I’d point that out before the math nerds did.
Brilliance! All hail the mighty assholio.
There should be no silence in the blogosphere. We all get to pick and choose where we go. For professional settings or for those sensitive types, being on a community with a code of conduct is more appealing. I see that and can understand that… as long as it doesn’t interfere with other places that aren’t quite as conductly.
Yes, conductly is rare and special word. You can’t find it in any ole dictionary. Just the “how to make your own words – a guide for writers”. (No, you can’t have one)
Who’s job is it to measure the significant units of ass? That’s what I want to know.
And another reason to stop writing: you mistakenly refer to a sexual act between women when you intend to refer to a last-ditch effort to save a low-lying area.
Finger-in-the-dyke vs. finger-in-the-dike.
You made me snort coffee.
Blogless, assholarity is an absolute value. One cannot subtract more ass than one possesses. And ix-nay on the ensor-say. The BA code is not censorship, and if you don’t understand why, move to China.
Rashenbo, I get to measure the ass. I’ve had training. The modern decimal unit of measure is the square, as in the number of squares of toilet paper required, but I prefer the Imperial unit of ass measure, the knuckle.
Kel, “dike” and “dyke” are interchangable variant spellings (for both meanings). The spelling “dyke” is used in England and Australia, where we don’t always feel the need to use the phonetic.
And you can’t blame me for choosing to use drugs, or your preferred delivery method.
*decides to adopt this code for her own*
May I reprint in my blog (appropriately linked, of COURSE!)
Never mind, I’m an idiot. You already said I could. Just throw something heavy at me and call me an asshole.
Heather, you asshole.
I’m going to ask Paul to lob something at you. He’s closer.
I have a bigger problem with wankers than assholes. Creating a code of conduct wouldn’t be such a problem but I’m not sure I’d want to create a logo for it.
Your article has come to my attention and I wish to ask for some advice for the benefit of our society members.
If you and I, both acknowledged assholes, were to meet another, would recognition of their qualification status also be provable in mathematical terms, where yA = your
asshole, mA = my asshole and tA = their asshole?
For instance, if they were an obtuse asshole, would it be true that square of tH would be greater than the sum of the squares of yA and mA?
As a right up asshole, could one then expect that the square of tH would be equal to the sum of squares of yA and mA?
And if they were to be an acute asshole, they would merely spend a lot of time in the toilet?
I should be grateful if you could help me get to the bottom of this.
Sphincter Piles
Fart Master
Grand Order of Assholes ‘R Us
Being dedicatation to this art is such that my senses tell me that I dropped one in my first post with my references to tH rather than tA. The corrected version is attached
Dear Sir
Your article has come to my attention and I wish to ask for some advice for the benefit of our society members.
If you and I, both acknowledged assholes, were to meet another, would recognition of their qualification status also be provable in mathematical terms, where yA = your asshole, mA = my asshole and tA = their asshole?
For instance, if they were an obtuse asshole, would it be true that square of tA would be greater than the sum of the squares of yA and mA?
As a right up asshole, could one then expect that the square of tA would be equal to the sum of squares of yA and mA?
And if they were to be an acute asshole, they would merely spend a lot of time in the toilet?
I should be grateful if you could help me get to the bottom of this.
Sphincter Piles
Fart Master
Grand Order of Assholes ‘R Us
Ho Hum, you can’t square an asshole. Assholes are logarithmic. And I’ve never met acute asshole, though to be honest I haven’t really looked.
Thank you Sean
I had never contemplated this. Maybe our group has become too insular of late, unduly dedicated to perfecting the art of being able to directly see the light shining out of our own assholes to take account of what others see in theirs.
Does this mean that maybe my colleagues and I are maybe then the only assholes out here who have a diet that consists of stock and sugar cubes? Eating other things such as, say, apples and oranges makes people shape up differently too?
Both Square assholes and logarithmic ones. Who would have thought it? I shall be sure to include those base facts in my our next members’ newsletter
Sphincter Piles
Fart Master
Grand Order of Assholes ‘R Us