101 Reasons to Stop Writing

A Hierarchy of Authors examines the scope of writing success, viewed as a career ladder that most writers will never climb.

(It might be slightly less depressing if you read the parts in reverse order.)

Part One

• The Canon — “Their work is so subtle and complex that if you don’t appreciate it, it’s your fault.”
• The Blockbuster — “The quality of their novels may fade over the years, but with a yard of shelf space in every bookstore in the Western world, who cares?”
• The Bestseller — “They’ve reached the point where it takes a streak of four utterly shit novels for readers to start losing interest.”

Part Two

• The Breakout — “They make it look all too easy, primarily because the author has no fscking idea how it happened.”
• The Debut — “The possibility of an undiscovered Faulkner, Joyce, Chandler, Asimov, and the subsequent opportunity to boast about reading them.”
• The Midlist — “Where most published authors remain until their careers quietly die.”

Part Three

• The Indie — “There are two kinds of independently published author: those on the way up, and those on the way down.”
• The Short — “The author of seven hundred short stories, eighty of which have been published in such luminous periodicals as Skokie, Illinois After Dark.”
• The Vain — “The Vain decide to stick it to the man, and get their message out the old fashioned way - by getting scammed.”

Part Four

• The Slushdweller — “The Slushdweller lives in a hovel made of rejection slips, glued together with the salivations of their own umbrage.”
• The Bottom Drawer — “They hope their failing is some deficiency of skill, because they understand that their deficiency of talent is pretty permanent.”

Part Five

• The Unfinished — “The Unfinished sometimes get pretty good at beginnings, but their endings suck - mainly because the end comes when the middle runs out of steam.”
• The Wannabe — “They feed the fantasies that lead others into the perpetual disappointment of a lifetime spent writing badly.”