101 Reasons to Stop Writing

This week: rich novelist discovers Hollywood still hates novelists, pointed advice from advice-givers and shoulda-been-advice-takers, and the latest bvttfsck for bad writers looking for a shortcut.

The LA Times examines how Clive Cussler feels about the translation of his novel Sahara to screen (Hint: he’s suing). Key points:

• Cussler was paid US$10 million for the movie rights, and given screenplay and casting approval (these last two points are virtually unheard of), with the deal set to continue as a franchise.
• Six different writers or writing teams reworked or “polished” the script over three years, most of whom were paid over $500,000 for their work.
• Script polishers are paid $500,000+ for a few months’ work.
• The phrase “keyboard shoved up his anal canal”.

Veteran crime writer Sandra Scoppettone discovers what happens when you don’t heed Reason #37, You’re Making It Up As You Go. I remember an anecdote about a historical romance writer who, over the course of several novels, had one recurring character losing her virginity twice. You have no idea how much that hurts.

101 Reasons interviewee The Rejecter steals the title of Reason #42, You Are Not Dan Brown, for some advice about how not to come off like a fsckhead in query letters.

The ultimate compliment: 101 Reasons, translated into Danish. Apparently bad writers, and the need for demotivation of such, are not limited to the ridiculous word-stew called (American) English.

Please don’t make me comment on the Sobol Awards. If paying an $85 “administration fee” to enter a competition judged by and requiring signing to a “literary agency” that’s never sold a novel sounds like a sweet deal to you, stop writing, before someone else takes you.