101 Reasons Post-Halloween Wrap-Up Special:
You are not Clive Barker, nor Dean Koontz, nor Anne Rice, nor R.L. Stine. You’re not even Shaun Hutson or Richard Laymon. With the exception of Barker, these authors spent years building solid fanbases by providing relatively consistent product. Not naming any names, but consistent shit sells better than inconsistent mediocrity.
(Barker blew out of the gate with his finest work, then slowly wound down with increasingly uneven novels. But Barker’s worst is still better than your best. He will continue to have a cabal of sexually ambivalent fanboys and toadying academics who call themselves “literary fantasists”, when your grandkids forget where your grave is.)

And don’t forget Neil Gaiman. We’re not Neil Gaiman either. We all have fantasies that involve him (and chocolate sauce) but that doesn’t actually put us in his league.
And we’re not Terry Prattchet* either** despite having a penchant for turtles*** and a true love of the absurd in the everyday.
* We’d like to be, but as you can see we can’t even get the spelling rite (sic)
** we’re assured that “there can be only one” - which is a shame… two is so much more fun, and three or more gives us a chance for a breather.
*** mmm! Turtles(tm) - gooey chocolatey caramely goodness - with nuts!